For far too long, I have sat silently expecting people in my life to understand the basics of friendship. I've been silly enough to think it was common knowledge. I've even been taught to lower my expectations to minimize disappointment. I've been convinced to make excuses for others and continue to pour myself into them regardless. 

I am learning that my assumptions and lack of communication is the fuel that keeps these fires thriving, so I decided to speak up. The rules listed below illustrate a few of the basic principles of friendship from my perspective. Thank God for amazing friends that show me this kind of love all the time. 

1) Support each other. Be there for each other in the good times and the bad. Celebrate each other's accomplishments big or small. Make it a priority to lift each other up. 

2) Be loyal. It's simple, don't do obviously bogus things to people that you love. Consider their feelings. Don't do things to friends that you wouldn't do to your family. 

3) Use discernment. Know when to keep things light and when to be serious. Know when to cut a roasting session short. Don't always be the bearer of bad news. Don't share classified information with people outside of our immediate circle. 

4) Communicate honestly. Regardless of what happens or what goes wrong, look me in my eye, address what's going on, apologize if you were wrong, tell me if and why you think I'm wrong. Let's agree or agree to disagree, remember that we love each other, and then move on. Don't stop talking to me for no reason after years of "friendship" with no explanation.

Communicating openly and honestly at all times is actually a fairly new thing for me. I used to hold things in, let anger build up, and perpetuate the miscommunication. Trust me, life is much easier and less stressful with proper communication. 

5) If my dad dies, show up. Especially if you're in the same city. Regardless, visit, call, text, facetime. Get creative. Show that you care. If you don't know what to say, say that (see rule number 4). 

I'm not asking anyone to be perfect or to work too hard. All of the above should come naturally if you truly love someone, value your relationship with them, and care about their well-being. I've never been one to treat friends like they're expendable, but in order to increase my peace, I realize that I may have to distance myself from people who don't understand these rules.

With love,

Ness