I was having a conversation with my sister earlier this week about her septum ring and people’s opinions about it. People have the nerve to tell her “But you’re so pretty without it.” The next thing she said is what stuck with me…”I’m not trying to look pretty, I’m trying to be me.”
Take a second to think about that.
When I heard it, I paused for a moment and then agreed wholeheartedly. For us, self-expression is more important and more fulfilling than fitting into someone else’s opinion of what “pretty” should look like. It reminded me of all the times people questioned why I started locs. It reminded me of my father’s funeral when the most frequent questions I got asked outside of the somber “How are you doing?” were “What’s all this?” and “What do these tattoos mean?” in the most judgmental tone possible. By the way, I intentionally wore short sleeves and didn’t hide my tattoos that day. I was there for my dad, just the way he always knew me. I wasn’t there to look “pretty” for you.
People have looked at my tattoos and asked me to consider what I’ll look like in my wedding dress, as if my whole life should be built around this one day. People have questioned my sister about her hair style, eluding to the fact that she would look prettier and maybe even attract more men if she had more hair. Not interested. People ask why I always wear my glasses and don’t wear contacts, telling me “But you look so pretty without them.” Again, we're not here to look “pretty” for you.
Although everyone can appreciate a nice compliment here and there, I have come to despise the constant “You’re so pretty” comments. I have learned that people see what they think is “pretty” and assume there’s nothing else there. People that I’m trying to build genuine friendships with cut things off at “Hey pretty girl” and have nothing more to say. No thanks to the surface level bs.
No doubt that my sister and I are blessed to be beautiful girls, and that we still look “pretty” even when we don’t try. This isn’t about that. It’s about the fact that neither of us have ever been conformists and sittin’ pretty has never been our main objective.
