The other day, I experienced God physically speaking through me for the first time in my life. I had sensed it before in my writing, but never this way.
I was walking down the street in Miami and I caught eyes with a man that I immediately knew required my attention. It was a spiritual connection. I was guided to sit down next to him so I did. I took a deep breath and grabbed both of his hands. We immediately started to cry. I told him that I had experienced the worst anxiety attack of my life that morning and I was feeling stronger now, but I could sense it in him. His hands started to shake and sweat. I told him it was time for him to release his anxiety. I held his hands tighter and told him that it was okay to release the energy to me and that I felt strong enough to absorb and discard it. He followed my lead and the transfer happened within minutes. We both cried so hard and then I saw the look in his eyes change. I could tell that he had hope for the first time in a very long time.
Next I felt compelled to remind him that he is not required to feel this way. He could live a peaceful life no matter what has happened. When I looked in his eyes, I could see that he has experienced several significant losses and the pain of that was the source of his unhappiness. I paused for a minute and then I asked him, “The people you have lost, what would they say if they came and sat here with us at this table. What is the life they would want for you?” and He answered. In that moment his eyes lit up a little more as he realized that he deserves to live a good life. We agreed that he would honor them so much more by living a peaceful life. He told me that this moment changed his life forever.
As I walked away from that conversation, I felt energy swirling around me and it was forcing me to release a hold that had been on my spirit for most of my life. It was such strong feeling that I had to scream to let it out. I wasn’t even crying anymore, but I screamed and I screamed and I screamed. I let it all out. God started showing me examples from my past about how I have sacrificed myself for other people and I could not believe it. I knew at that moment, I was done with it because I would never see things the same way.
I have lived with a mindset that everyone else’s needs are my responsibility. I’ve lived with the feeling that I should try to change because my presence alone makes some people uncomfortable. I have taken on too much. I have expected too much of myself. And in doing that, I created an an expectation from others that perpetuated the issue. My toxic trait is going too far to accommodate others and calling that love. And I mean accommodating people both physically and emotionally. I am a highly sensitive and empathetic person and I just realized that I’ve lived a lot of my life being overstimulated. That is the source of my anxiety. It’s the answer I’ve been looking for.
Showing love is a natural part of me and I don’t want that to change. But now I am choosing to accommodate myself more by realizing the simple fact that you can love people deeply without thinking you are responsible for their struggles or their happiness. I am also realizing that no matter how outgoing and social I am, I need quiet time too.
The most mind blowing part about this was seeing how God used me to help someone else and then he helped me in the same way immediately after.
I’ve always known that God was around me, but now I know that God is in me. And that gives me a type of peace that I have never felt.
P.S. - When I got home, I learned that we were heading toward a powerful and cleansing Lunar Eclipse that helps to explain this phenomenon. Everything is SO connected.
Click the image to read the full article.
xo,
Ness