Is it just me...or does everyone have certain times that you ALWAYS catch on the clock?
I had one, but for the past few months, a new time stamp has been added.
9:22
It’s my dad’s birthday. At first I would only see it here and there, but now I see it almost everyday either in the morning or at night.
In past years, seeing my dads birthday on the clock would’ve been a sad reminder of his absence.
But for some reason, now seeing it makes me smile. I feel his presence around me now more than ever. It’s just like a quick “Hey Ness, hows it going?”
Around the house, my dad was usually a man of few words. And his little check-ins were his way of saying “I care.”
One thing he told me before he died is “My problems are not your problems. I will be fine one way or another.” When he said that, I knew exactly what he meant and it pierced me. It felt harsh and abrasive and I didn’t understand the concept of separating his troubles from my own, but now I get it. My dad wanted me to have peace even in the midst of everything we were going through. When I feel his presence now, I feel the peace that he was talking about and I’m so grateful.
I never try to intentionally check the clock at the time. It’s like I just happen to look up and there it is.
On the days I miss it, I never get upset. It’s like how I talk to my mom almost everyday, but if we miss a day, it’s no big deal.
I miss my dad Every. Single. Day. But I’m so grateful that I’m getting past the dark feelings of sadness and realizing that still to this day, he is here for me in the ways he can be. And I’ll accept that.
Thanks, Dad. I love you.
xo,
Ness