I'll admit that this one is a bit tough for me to articulate, but I promise that this piece of advice has changed my life. So here goes nothing...
My life recently became more difficult than I could've ever imagined. Sometimes just sitting still, I'm in pain. I say this, not to make you feel bad for me, but to help you understand that I simply don't have the capacity to worry about trivial things. I don't even have the capacity to worry about big things. Right now I just have to focus on being...just being.
But I'm a worrier. I always have been. So how can a worrier stop worrying? One thing I tried was to push all of my thoughts away and literally force myself to stop thinking about whatever it was. Fail. Instead of being less stressed, I was even more stressed because of this added layer. I was stressed about my stress.
Still following? Good.
So I was talking to my friend Heather one day, telling her about my stressful stress and how I felt about all of the thoughts that were going through my mind. And she said something simple, but clever. It took me a couple of days to fully digest it. Her comment held much more weight than I initially realized. It was an insight that I plan to take with me for the rest of my life.
She said something along the lines of "You know you're not obligated to feel something about every thought that crosses your mind? Sometimes it's just a thought and it's okay."
Life, solved.
This was life changing for me, a worrier, because it allowed me peace of mind.
Think about it this way. If you're looking out the window and see a person walking by, you don't always stop and ask yourself questions about where the person is going or what you think about them. Sometimes you do, but most of the time you just notice and then they continue walking. No big deal, right?
You can't control what thoughts enter your mind. But you can control how you react to them. Every time a thought crosses your mind, you don't have to ask yourself how you feel about it or feel guilty for thinking it. Or feel bad about not feeling bad. Or scold yourself for thinking about it again. It's just a thought that's passing by.
This doesn't just apply to dealing with grief. Everyone has daily stress, most people have lingering thoughts. Little reminders that say "Don't forget to stress about this."
If you feel it, let yourself feel it. If it's just a thought, acknowledge it and move on.
Life is far too short to spend it at war with yourself. So give up your ghosts. Those thoughts that are haunting you.
Let it come, let it go.
Let it flow.
-Ness
"If the ocean can calm itself, so can you" - Nayyirah Waheed